Artic Ramblings

Another day of "quality time" with the boys...my fourth in a row. If you are counting that is ninety-six plus hours of putting any agenda that I might have for life to the side while I referee and serve meals and make people read...ON A SNOW DAY! In my day it was the starving children in Africa who were dying while I pushed food around my supper plate. Now, I use all the children in the war-torn countries who risk their lives to be able to go to school and learn how to read! Horrors! I am now employing the same tactics that my mentally questionable parents used. But I digress....

It isn't as if there are families waiting to have their custody cases heard by the court systems in any of the three counties where I am suppose to be working; I am sure the legal system grinds to a halt each night when the Powers That Be determine that my children will not be educated for another day. It isn't like there are Christmas decorations waiting to be taken to storage....or off the shriveled trunk which still stands in my living room.

How dare you judge! Historically, it has only been four days since the hypothetical "Wise Men" visited Little Baby Jesus in Bethlehem. I bet Mary didn't have her ornaments down by January 11th either. Oh, wait...she was in a barn trying to get an infant saviour to sleep in a manger...probably didn't have time to "deck the halls." But I digress....

This morning I did what any deliberate but unhinged breeder would do when faced with the prospect of more "quality time" with their offspring. I hopped on the cell phone and set up separate playdates to be held "offsite". Which means my children would:  a. not be together, b. not be in my house and c. not be together in my house. Fortunately, the majority of my Rowdy Girls are also the mothers of rowdy boys. And they, too, were feeling the strain of all that quality. Or at least they were answering my calls, which I took as a sign of divine intervention. My reward for being shrewd, cunning and in possesion of an Explorer with 4-wheel drive, was that I spent the majority of my Tuesday sitting in the kitchen of the Strongest Woman I Know while our sons played wrestling games on the Wii.  True, these games were rated "T" for teen. Which means that Ray Mysterio and Cane actually spurt blood while they are beating the shit out of each other, virtually. Granted, TV wrestling might not be the real thing but people get seriously injured on the Wii version.

How dare you judge! While I confess that my 8 year old was playing a "T" rated game, technically, it occurred "offsite" and I am not in a position to tell another mother what is acceptable in her living room. Except I am the person who is always telling everyone, even strangers, how to raise their children and conduct their lives. So, go ahead. Criticize. I did what I had to do to get me through the day and no one got hurt...except Wii Ray Mysterio, that is.

I also managed to freeze my toes off having a fifteen minute snow ball war with my youngest and his visitee, followed by a thirty-second ride on the snow tube.I bet you thought I was going to say that I was freezing my ass off. But when you add my snow-related weight gain to my holiday-related weight gain, I think it is safe to "ass"-ume that technically, it would take weeks for a southeastern blizzard to even glaze my ass. Although, if I thought it would help, I would stand outside in said blizzard while I gorge myself on refined sugar....and cheese products? What is it about being stranded with your loved ones that makes you want to consume massive quantities of cheese? One more day of quality time and I will be a one-woman stimulus package for the entire dairy industry. Butt, I digress.....