Takin' Care of Busy-Ness

"Hello Darkness, my old friend....I've come to talk to you again...Because a vision softly creeping...Left it's seeds while I was sleeping" - "Sounds of Silence", Simon and Garfunkel

Well, not exactly. Actually I am up at 3:58 am this Saturday morning because my youngest child tried to "sleep"-over at a friend's house and only manged to "sleep" until 3:07 am. How ironic that when he was three months old and he woke me up at 3:00 am to rescue him from hunger and the wooden bars of his crib I never felt as honored as I do now that he is 8 1/2 and  wants me to come galloping up in my Ford Explorer to rescue him from the emptiness of waking up away from home. Just proves that it is all in your perspective isn't it?

I have been AWOL from the blogosphere for thirteen-plus days while the screaming demands of my day-to-day drowned out the whisperings of my creativity. Honestly, it is pretty damn hard to hear the voice inside your soul over the sounds of  dinner waiting to be cooked, homework waiting to be checked, oil waiting to be changed and the roar of Monster Jam II for Wii. Imperceptibly, my creative voice is like a foreign film with sub-titles; she requires total focus and intense concentration if you want to understand what the hell she is trying to! And so, dear reader, I dedicate this blog to Braeden Thomas Miller, my baby (but don't tell him I called him that), who found a way to provide me with the solitude and silence I find necessary to write.

According to Webster via the World Wide Web, the word "busy" can be either an adjective or a verb, meaning, "engaged in action: occupied" or "full of activity: bustling"; both off which describe the state of my life the past two weeks. But Webster goes on to also offer "foolishly or intrusively active: meddling" or "full of distracting detail: busy design", which also describes my life during the past two weeks. According to O magazine, purveyor of wisdom for the modern woman, "busy-ness" is actually a state of mind that can be overcome or re-framed by focusing exclusively on one activity at a time and breathing through the valuable experience of each moment of your day. RIGHT! The reason I receive snippets of O magazine via e-mail is because I do not have time to focus on one activity....and because it would take me a month to actually drive to a store, purchase a paper copy and find time to read any magazine.

And lately, I have spent the valuable experience of each moment trying to CATCH my damn breath! But Oprah, or more accurately, Oprah's staff writers, make an excellent point. Life can easily get to a stage where you are Doing more than you are Being. Where you are Doing For those you love rather than Being With those you love. And if I have learned anything from being the mother of male children, I have learned that they don't care about clean floors, or folded laundry or paying the water bill. They care about shooting hoops, riding the go-kart and grilling hot dogs. They most certainly do not care that between now and Mother's Day, I am helping to plan a wedding, a pre-wedding party, a Spring Break trip, two Buffett concerts and a non-profit fundraiser. Oh yeah, and  I am moving.  And I also need to show up at my paying job occasionally, because according to Webster, one definition of "business" is "the principal activity in your life that you do to earn money: occupation."

I feel certain Oprah would tell me that my life is "full and abundant"...or, more likely, she would have one of her zillions of staff members post the message on her web magazine and forward it to my e-mail. Honestly and sincerely, I am not complaining and I know that I am not alone...everyone around me seems to be juggling as fast as they can right now. I also know that when I am at my busy-est with no time to breathe is the exactly when I should be making time to slow down and breath. But somedays I don't put "first things first" as Stephen Covey would say, rather I take the Ms. Pac-Man approach and gobble up energy and comfort where I can find it.

For instance, while this blog has been marinating in my head for the last few days I have been surviving on protein shakes and Sweettarts. Protein shakes because I don't want to look like Jabba the Hut in the wedding photos and Sweettarts because they are sweet and tart and I can eat five million of them before bedtime without ruining the "cleansing effect" of the protein drinks. (Sidebar:  If you drink Atkins protein drinks on even a semi-regular basis, stay close to a well-ventilated toileting facility.) I have also been listening to the new Rihanna song, "S&M", very loudly, when the boys aren't in the car, not because I truly love the smell of "sex in the air", but because it makes me feel Rowdy to sing the line, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me." For posterity's sake, please note that chains and whips do not excite me...but the taboo of singing that line at the top of my lungs while racing from work activity #437 to Mom activity #876 sure does!

I know that I must be exactly where Fate intends me to be right now, because I stumble across inspiration in the oddest places. A t-shirt that reads, "If Karma doesn't hit you....I will." A Facebook message reminding me of a carefree springtime in Chapel Hill twenty-one years ago. My dearest friend finding comfort and peace in the new home he is making for himself and his children. A phone call at 3:07 am saying that someone wants to come home...to me...and the life I am making for mine.

I saw a bumper sticker on the back of a beat-up Ford pick-up last Monday. It said, "Just Because You Have One Doesn't Mean You Have To Be One." Immediately, I laughed at loud, realizing all the possibilities that captured by that one phrase. Since then, I have realized that just because I HAVE a To-Do list, doesn't mean I have to BE a To-Do list. So, as always, I am grateful for your concern and thank you for missing me. I have been missing me too. Starting now, 5:31 am, I am going to try to breathe...and smile...and give myself permission to do whatever it is I need to do in order to accomplish what I can get done. Full and Abundant....Full and Abundant....that sounds and feels so much better than "Busy." Go Heels!