Phase I of the Season of Transformation has been completed and the Monkey has wedded the Ballerina. For those of you who may think that sentence was written in Gaelic, or that I have been hitting a crack pipe, let me re-phrase......Along with all of the other important changes happening in the next few weeks, Tom and Angie's wedding has been accomplished.
Like most of the big events in life, this wedding had all the trappings of a cliche. A greying bearded bagpiper named J.V. (who actually held his fingers in a "V" when he introduced himself). Grown men in varying types of plaid skirts ordered off the Internet. A family tartan originally to be woven by hand in Scotland that ultimately had to be shipped UPS from a supplier in Charlotte. We had sweeping updos and kids in tuxedos and a picture frame with no picture where the guests could write messages by the front door. And yet, when Highland Cathedral began to ring through the rafters and the nine year-old she had longed for so many years waited at the foot of the staircase, every person present sat transfixed. Her beloved and his kilted/sashed children stood waiting beneath the Grant family crest that was draped with the fabric of their ancestors. And just as it does every moment of every day for someone somewhere, Love transformed Life.
I remember talking to her after their first date and thinking how "alive" she sounded. A ride on his motorcycle, dinner, time at his apartment sharing the stories of how their lives had arrived at this point in time. I remember that he had asked her out when she was wondering if Love would ever find her again....and how exactly that might happen to an overworked, divorced single Mom in scenic Mayodan, NC. Laughing, I remember re-assuring her that if I could find a Love eighteen years my senior, living three states away while living that same life in scenic Madison, NC, then it truly could, happen to anyone. I remember how nervous we both were when not two years later, he sank to his knee in New Orleans and asked her to promise him "forever", one more time.
During the past five years, their courtship and the blending of their families has been rough around the edges and more work than romance, if you look only at the details. That is true of all of our lives. But if you take a step back, and adjust your lens, you see the Hope and Joy of five individuals who have formed a family circle large enough to include all members, past and present. You see newlyweds, moving into their first new house together; a structure large enough to encircle all five of them as they journey towards the memories waiting to be made.
He had always wanted a traditional, Scottish ceremony...he is kind of cheesy that way and the cheesi-ness is a huge part of his charm. She didn't really care, she just wanted him to be happy. Making the people she loves happy is central to everything she does. She is the zen-artist Ying and I am the charts and lists Yang....she paints the big picture in broad, beautiful strokes and I research the types and qualities of the brushes she should be using. She drives me insane because she rarely says "no", pushes herself much too hard and takes way too much crap from people...especially from me. But just when I lose myself in exasperation, there she is... taking care of the kids so that I can battle my to-do list...texting me pictures of the shoes/hats/jewelry she is buying me at SteinMart for our next great adventure...staying up way too late helping me edit the blog I started only because she wanted us to do it together. We are literally the Best of Friends because we had both "trialed-and-errored" our way to being grown-ups before we came together; our interests were similar, our paths were parallel and our struggles were conjoined.
And so, I coordinated and graphed and employed my Wonder Twin brother to help me execute their plan. Our favored photographer captured the event on film, our preferred DJ spun tunes we were too tired to dance to and our ex-husbands sat with their families from a former life making conversation about our children and the loves of their current lives. Folks, we are not talking Hallmark Channel or Royal Wedding etiquette here. But, nonetheless, the room was filled with laughter and fellowhip and Rowdies and the kind of happy endings that can only come from unsteady beginnings. Because last night, while I watched to clock and packed up the decorations, she smeared cake icing on his bald head and watched boys, young and not-so-young, break dance. Last night, Love transformed Life...and the Monkey married the Ballerina.
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